Wednesday, May 25, 2011
To be perceived in a way, i brush it aside as a way for me for some personal self reflection. I take it on board and learn, because i value and trust the opinions. I deeply regret going into such relationships back then, which somehow caused many things to spiral down.
I hope that i'm still treasured as much I was among my friends. I'm sorry for maybe kinda taking it for granted when i once had something i love alot. It's just a coincidence that we were chasing for the same objectives back then
On the other hand, i'm looking forward to graduation day! :D
Sometimes, things are just not meant to be
Maybe the type of songs which i listen to, will always set my mind racing with thoughts. And the most influential ones are the songs from the artist i like most.
My Inspiration
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Saturday, May 7, 2011
I know one thing: It may NEVER EVER be the same again! Definitely not as much as I hoped for. Nothing caused it behind the scenes, it just happened as it did. I blame no one, maybe i have to blame myself for all of it after all. 我总觉得非常失望...
Sometimes, i just think its just being very very unfair to me dont you think? Yet we dont care to stop for just one minute, and really THINK over it correctly! Now i think i really do understand how the feelings hurt very much...
As said, it just happened over time without the people knowing why and how it happened. Yes, u may not even care becuase u still got your friend to seek consoles to, never knowing that friend have also slowly turn against me, without reason at all. To think that I dont even think to care is just a big and serious misunderstanding.
等到失去才会懂得珍惜. Now that i get to experience it first hand, now i understand how it feels.
One always say that when I find them to talk, no matter how, both just have nothing much. Think of it in another angle, i don't believe that the others will have it as poorly, at least having more than what I have to offer perhaps. Then again, its not as if I never put in the effort to try at all.
Take for example, it just seem to me to be very very long ago that we really really did practice together at all. Yes, each of us may have different targets after all, but does that mean that we can forgo and just focus on whatever we are aiming for. Well, maybe because there is a companion who shares the same targets thats why maybe i didn't want to join in and thus is left behind...
I just didnt want to interrupt what you all have been practicing and their respective mutual collectiveness and music carousel.
Then, the other week, something may have just unknowingly happened, which does make me wonder what I have to get all these ignorance. But think over it, if it was someone else in my shoes, how would that person have felt? Both groups in opposite corners, one of which have the company of each other, while the other goes the other way.
I just came in for lesson the other day. By the time i reached, they have already took a corner to start practicing already. Nevertheless, i just think they didnt really acknowlege me joining in for lesson. Thinking back 2 years, i'm confident that they would welcome me to join them for practice, and surely i would joined them happily. Seeing the case unfold as it is now, I just felt my heart sink at that moment. Its just so disappointing, that I really didn't want to join them, and started to drift myself away from them. In contrary, I would love to have joined them now since they have steadily improved. Not though i want to barge in for the sake of it. From that day, I havent been in very good mood throughout. And for this, who, what do i point to for the cause of it, i also don't know.
Fair enough, now you already built a good friendship with her, i know how good it is to have such a good friend, and as such, i was never going to be jealous of it at all. Moreover, I was formerly one of my best friends. If its torn now, will it be fair to me if you took on the mantle and then left me alone? What did i do wrong, friendship-wise, to deserve such ignorance?
Over the past 3 years since we started our adventure, i think I have done my very best to ensure that we will all do well, musically and socially. The way i gone around helping and motivating everyone, is because i want all of my friends and teammates to do well in the same interests, not to push pressure on anyone else. I don't know how you think that i want it for myself. Remember a year of Special Awards, on the performace day itself, i talked through and convinced the instructors to let all participate as a group. When u missed out, I helped you throughout and made sure that you will make it for the next one. if those arent enough to prove my passion for this group of friends, I really don't know what would.
Now, it is split into teams. its fine to me that naturally the two of them will join together, i understand that. How about saying to me, to join them together? Not that i want to turn against you, but i think there wasn't a wee bit of effort to include me inside your group. To make it worse, you know that I was searching for a group. And you know the group i clearly and really wanted to join, not for musical success, but for the friendship and bonds I shared with you two over the 2 or so years.
But sometimes, i think it is imperative that you should also try to understand my feelings. I do want to join you, but then it seems that i have lost the courage to even approach, let alone starting a communication topic.
Suddenly, the past happenings where we went very happy in each other's company is long-distant. Can we change it for the better, to make me relieve those happy times we had together as friends.
There was even times when we were in it together for the sake of the safety of our so-called best friend.
If I were to put all the evidence of our friendship and togetherness together, I can guarantee that we will feel emotional on how it all began and continue all the way, such that we were recognized as very good friends with ech other for company. I just wish that I could experience again the presence which brought me so much happiness and comfort.
Just think, i have never wanted credit for anything at all, not even when it all went well. And when things turn the other way around, maybe unknowingly it is i, above all, who feel disappointed by the way it turns out.
To be honest, all this while, the main objective is that I really want to learn and build friendly relations with all who are my friends, thats all, it that hard to give? Frankly, i dont want any credit to say that "he has done well to take us to where we are". I still think that everyone had played their part to take the TEAM to where we are today and all should be proud of this together. Let me say that I am a very humble person, really. As long as I have done my part to enjoy and thus led those around me to be happy, i will be very happy indeed.
However, honestly I havent been very happy at all for quite some time already. Just how can it become a 'sinking ship' even since. Yes, i can tell you that I am indeed very passionate about the state of things there.
The reason? Its because of the friends i have among that group of friends, and not because im seeking something for personal gain. The latter has never even crossed my mind.
Think, for example, if we had gone on to go for June, does that mean i want something personally in return for that different experience? No. I was very determined to go for that, if it became available, is because I really want to gain a different experience with all my friends. Only that can make me happy, really...
Perhaps the understandings has been misguided all along. I just take it and from there, left it all alone, only just...
Do anyone know how hurt to see the 'sinking ship' go lower? If i bother to feel something for it, do you think now, that I wanted to get something out of this 'ship' for gain? Not at all.
We know how hard we all tried to make the team click together. When it did bear fruit, everyone was very happy then. Secretly, after that highest point we did achieve together, how many knew that I shed tears of joy during the event? Because in my and our minds, we know that we have finally achieved what we have set out to achieve at the beginning. Then, I said to myself secretly, "How could I go after this very emotional success" Honestly, I cannot do that, so I knew that I wanted to experience more of such of such successes. Not that I took it for granted that having achieved what I already set out, that I had no other motivations. In fact, It is directly the opposite way of thinking, that I am even more determined to achieve more with all of them. I really do.. With this, whoever who reads this at any point, will know my wish already.
I don't think i'm wrong or selfish to go and search for another companion to take the gloom off my feelings towards all these situations. I think that helped me somewhat.
Saying that I may have not have been concerned about maintaining and building on this friendship, is mistaken.
I'm not saying that the situation is so bad, just that its not as good as i previously liked.
I just want to say that it has been very unfair to me, thats all
I just wish for a listening ear and one do can really understand how I'm feeling...Thats all i ask for, nothing more, is that too much of an ask?
My Inspiration
Saturday, May 07, 2011
